Connection, status, and the stories that shape us: Why we believe what we believe

This article was generated based on reflections from attending the session by Will Storr at the Humanists UK 2025 Conference held at The University of Sheffield.

Human beings are unique and wonderfully complex creatures. We don’t simply survive by solving problems individually – we come together to form complex, cooperative groups that solve the problems of existence as superorganisms. Whether it’s a political party, a football team, or even a gardening club, we act not just as individuals, but as interconnected, highly cognitive collectives.

To function in these groups, our brains demand more than just food, water, and shelter. They require two deeply human needs: connection and status. Without them, we don’t thrive. We fall apart.

The core human needs

1. Connection

We crave secure, trusting relationships. Think of your most precious moments: falling in love, forming a friendship, joining a like-minded group. These are not luxuries. They are fundamental to our psychological survival.

The opposite – loneliness, rejection, social exclusion – is often described as a kind of psychological death. That’s not hyperbole. Our evolutionary past wired us to fear disconnection, because our ancestors’ survival hinged on being part of a cooperative group.

2. Status

It’s not enough to belong – we must feel valued. Status isn’t about money or fame; it’s about being seen as useful and respected. Achievements like winning an award, publishing a book, or simply being recognised as a good parent or friend feed this need.

The opposite? Humiliation. Publicly losing our status is devastating. It can trigger despair, aggression, or withdrawal. In some cases, the emotional fallout from status loss has been linked to violence and suicidal ideation.

The health cost of disconnection and low status

One of the landmark studies in this field is the Whitehall Study¹, led by Sir Michael Marmot. It examined thousands of British civil servants and revealed a striking health gradient across the occupational hierarchy:

It is not material deprivation that makes people ill; it is the social gradient. Where you are on the hierarchy – how much control you have over your life and the extent to which you are treated with respect – is what matters most

Even after adjusting for lifestyle factors, those at the bottom of the civil service hierarchy were found to have four times the risk of early death compared to those at the top. This study, replicated and reinforced through Whitehall II and further research, shifted the conversation from purely behavioural causes of illness to social and psychological determinants of health.

This isn’t just about one study or subjective feelings. There’s lots more evidence behind it, and review of diverse literature² lent additional support to what is often known as the the status hypothesis i.e. the idea that people’s subjective well-being, self-esteem, and mental and physical health appear to depend on the level of status they are accorded by others (2).

This tells us: status and connection are not optional. Without them, we get sick – both mentally and physically. In his recent conference talk, Will Stott shared with attendees Maranda Dynda’s story³.

Anti-vax to pro-vax

Maranda was 18, living in rural Pennsylvania. She was pregnant, her friends were off at university, and she felt isolated. A midwife visited her to discuss her birth plan, but introduced something unexpected:

“Have you thought about not vaccinating your child?”

Maranda, who had never questioned vaccines, was told they caused autism, diabetes, even false accusations of child abuse. She was advised to Google “Why not vaccinate?”

She did. And what she found was community.

A Facebook group called Great Mothers Questioning Vaccines welcomed her. She declared herself “vaccine hesitant” and was immediately embraced. She wasn’t just accepted. She felt admired. These were strong, confident women. She wanted to be one of them.

She began to adopt their beliefs. She argued with her doctor, defended her position to her family, and reported back to the group after every confrontation. The more vocal she became, the more she rose in status.

“You want to bring it up with people,” she said. “Because you want to feel like you’re smarter than them.”

This is what is known as active belief. It’s not enough to believe something quietly. To earn status, you must live it. Preach it. Defend it. Let it consume you.

So what saved Maranda eventually and led to her leaving the group? It was the fact that her identity wasn’t only that of an anti-vax mother. She also saw herself as rational, science-minded, and curious.

When the same group started claiming vaccines caused homosexuality or that anti-vaxxers would be herded into FEMA death camps, she began to question what she was swallowing. Her other identity spoke up. She stepped away. And when she told her story publicly, the very community that had embraced her turned on her.

Another modern and insightful example of these dynamics in action is the satirical conspiracy movement Birds Aren’t Real⁴. On the surface, it looks like just another ‘weird belief,’ claiming that birds are really government surveillance drones. The movement’s real success lay in its community, humour, and the sense of belonging it generated. It illustrates that people often join, share, and sustain even absurd ideas not because they believe the literal claim, but because doing so offers connection, identity, and a safe space to belong.

This highlights the critical point: if we want to help people move away from harmful or irrational beliefs, the path is through building connection, not simply correction.

What this teaches us

Our brains are storytelling machines. But the brain is not primarily concerned with truth. It’s concerned with survival — and that means tracking connection and status in every social space we enter. So when someone adopts an irrational or dangerous belief, it may not be ignorance driving it. It may be belonging. It may be esteem. It may be identity.

People navigate the world and find their place in it by asking: Who do I need to be in this place to earn connection and status? And if the answer means believing strange things – many of us will.

If we want to build better communities, better institutions, even a better society, we need to focus not only on facts and logic, but on the human needs beneath belief:

• Offer real connection.
• Provide meaningful status.
• Celebrate curiosity, not certainty.

Because that’s how we truly help each other grow. Not just by changing minds, but by meeting the needs that shape them.

We survive alone. But we flourish together.

Article source: Connection, Status, and the Stories That Shape Us: Why We Believe What We Believe.

Header image: Summer clouds. Source: ©Matt Treadwell, CC BY-NC-ND 4.0.

References: